Posts Tagged ‘law of attraction


Gratitude. Can you feel the love tonight?

Gratitude. Get into it. Feel the love. Make it your jam. Every day. Every moment. Because that’s where shit happens. That’s where things start to move and rearrange and fall into place.

Even if nothing changes, your outlook on it does. That’s what gratitude can do. That’s what gratitude does do. So the same old shit can go from feeling murky and bitter to feeling manageable and yes, maybe even sparkly. That’s right, you heard me. Sparkly.

Remember how I wrote in my last post about processing anger? Well I spent the rest of that day, and the next, still stuck in my angry place. Which, no matter how enlightened and conscious one is trying to be, still feels like ass on a stick. Maybe Pluto is in the 6th house or Venus is in retrograde, or some other shit. But I was hanging out in my angry place.

After 3 days of that, which included calling one of my kids’ teachers “bugfuck crazy” while speaking to another parent (which the teacher – who absolutely is bugfuck crazy btw, whether I’m in my angry place or in Mexico – may or may not have heard as she walked by), it occurred to me that for my own sanity, and my children’s educational experience, perhaps I should try to find a proactive way to help my anger start to move.

Observing your anger is great. And I honestly do think it’s an important part of the equation to be able to observe it without trying to alter anything. But you also have to make sure you don’t get stuck there…and I was starting to feel pretty damn stuck there. (As an aside: yes, ideally you can spend more than three days in observation mode and let shit runs its course. However, the reality is that we all have lives that need to be lived, and so there is a balance to be struck between not doing and doing. It was time to do.)


It’s simple. I’ve done it before. But like so many other things, sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle.

One of the reasons I like doing My Favourite Thing Today is because there’s an element of gratitude inherent within it.

But I now want to make gratitude MORE of a compass point in my life, the one that determines my own true north. The one from which everything else flows. And those things will happen without any increased effort on my part. My job is simply gratitude.

Here’s the plan. You can do it with me. A l’il extra gratitude in our lives would behoove all of us.

1:: So, first and foremost, take a little extra time, a little extra consciousness, when doing My Favourite Things. That’s really just another form of a Gratitude Journal. Now, just simply a little more mental space and concentration on feeling grateful for whatever is your favourite thing that day. And that one’s key:


Sounds a little woo-woo. But try it. You’ll know what I mean. Not just lip service. Actually feel grateful with your body. It’s almost a tingly feeling.

2:: Next, do this more than one time a day. Meaning, stop to really feel the gratitude another two or three times throughout my day. I’m talking maybe a minute at a time. Not a huge undertaking. You don’t have to write anything down, necessarily. Just feel it in your body. The only catch is remembering to do it. Set an alarm on your watch or phone if necessary. Because we can all, even the busiest of us, find 60 seconds, two or three times a day, to stop and feel grateful for what we already have. Whatever pops up for us. It might be the people around us. It might be the animals we love. It might be food and shelter, or decent weather. Take stock of what you have around you and feel the gratitude.

3:: Here’s the advanced level, when you figure you’ve got steps one and two under your belt comfortably and regularly. This one requires a little imagination and a leap of faith. Remember when I was talking about attracting vs. allowing? Well, here we go! Imagine what you’d like to attract into your life. Instead of focusing on the absence of it in your life, imagine the abundance of it, all around you, offering itself to you. And your job? The way you both attract it and allow it? Simply feel the feelings of gratitude in your body. Down to your core. Sparkly, shimmering, tear-jerking gratitude. Even if you just sense a glimmer of that, work with it…it will grow.

So what was that last one again? Imagine what you want and feel grateful for it, just as though it is already yours.

And that’s it, that’s all. Reasonably simple, right?

We can all get on that gratitude train. I would love to hear what your experiences are with this exercise, or any other types of gratitude exercises you’ve tried in the past. What’s worked for you? What hasn’t resonated for you? Do you feel any different doing the exercises I outlined above? I’ll be doing them too, and we can all share our thoughts…

Love and Gratitude. I’m already feeling sparkly.


Allowing vs. Attracting.

So I’ve been doing a whole lotta introspectin’ lately. Gettin’ clear and saddling up for the ride that’s gonna take me on.

Over the last few, I’ve heard mentioned by some pretty ballin’ chicks, the concept of Allowing.

  • Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth mentioned the concept of allowing and it’s unfortunate glossing over in the whole Law of Attraction business, in her interview with Satya Colombo for his Freedom Business Summit. I have listened to this interview over and over again, because it’s just so durn inspirin’! (You may have come to realize this, or you may be taking a ride on the slow bus, but yes, Danielle LaPorte is one of my business / spiritual / crystal-totin’ / word-slingin’ crushes. There you have it. I heart you, Danielle. *sigh* But seriously? Super-duper inspirational lady to whom I feel very drawn. An added bonus that she’s got some mad skills and likes to share her knowledge.)
  • Lissa Rankin of Owning Pink tweeted on January 5 of last year,#MojoTip Allow yourself to receive abundance & financial freedom this year. You deserve it.” (And by the way, this lady rocks. She’s all about talking about the vag. Seriously. Who doesn’t like a lady like that? Plus, she’s got balls. Vag and balls. An OB/GYN who spends an hour with each patient at each appointment? Hello, revamping healthcare (finally!) And then goes on to shut down her medical practice because she feels called to coach other folks to find their own sump’n sump’n. A brave, inspirational lady.)

I know there have been more stirrings of this. At least, I sincerely hope there have. Because it’s something that has been grossly under-discussed, I believe. So for those interested, I’m gonna throw my two cents in the ring…

Here’s the thing. You can attract all you want, but unless you accompany that with allowing, you won’t be any further ahead than you started. In fact, when you don’t allow what you attract, you run the serious risk of sliding backwards, because the attraction will be accompanied by the plaguing question, “why can’t I make it work in my life when it is all around me?”

Let me say it once more, as it bears repeating. Attracting and allowing must flow together, like two streams that converge, resulting in the great vastness of a river.

Both of these things take work. The Law of Attraction has been pretty well fleshed out in The Secret, among other programs and texts. Seeing as I have not yet mastered this one, I’m going to let that speak for itself and move along.

And if you thought I had trouble in that arena, let’s look at the concept of allowing. For some, it comes naturally and easily. I am not one of those people. Any progress I have made in this area has come at great personal expense…primarily payed to my amazing therapist for all the time spent in her office taking a good, hard look at where my blockages are. And blockages there are a-plenty.

Because allowing is not simply an intellectual concept. True, I can examine my life and any traumas that may have contributed to my blockages. I can see them clearly for what they are, and even understand in my head what I need to do to move through them to get to this illusive place of allowing. But knowing it in my head and feeling it in my body are two different things.

How do you go from the therapist’s chair to walking the walk and talking the talk? Please, tell me if you know. Because I’m still working on a trial by fire basis. So far, lots of fires, and they’ve been very trying. Ba dum bum.

I have gleaned a few nuggets which look promising from this vantage point, however.

  1. Consciousness is the key. (Staying aware and staying present are pretty much the precursors to any personal growth, as far as I can tell, btw. Dammit. There goes my pralines ‘n cream date later.) You have to notice your body’s reactions to the blockages as they arise, which actually requires an enormous amount of consciousness and willingness on your part. Only if you are aware can you make choices – yes, choices – about how to proceed.
  2. Respond, don’t react. If you are truly aware, and take some time to sit with it and stay present, you have the ability to make decisions about what comes next. Choices. Decisions. Not knee-jerk reactions that just replay the old scripts over and over again.
  3. Take some time, regularly, to be open on purpose, with purpose. In other words, hold the issue in your mind, and create a feeling of space around it. For me, it’s a very physical feeling. It’s like softly holding a sealed box while standing in the middle of a vast field, grasses swaying in the wind. Inside that box is Possibility…and Possibility holds inherent in it two (or often many more) outcomes. This is where conscious choice and allowing comes in. But first you have to give yourself, heart, mind, and soul, some space around it in order to get there. (Of note: many people talk about taking regular meditation time. I think this is admirable. I don’t manage it very well – perhaps I’d take less Ativan if I did, but there we are now. If you have the time, freedom, and ability to stay awake while cross-legged on a pile of pillows with oils burning and Gregorian Chant in the background, kudos to you I say. And I do mean that. Let’s meet for a beer when you’re done. I am a big proponent of taking nuggets of learning and applying them in my real life. For instance: as you walk down the street to the Post Office, take that 2 minute opportunity to visualize and resonate with that feeling of space while holding the issue in your mind. Do it again on the way home. When you stand under a hot shower after the gym (something else I don’t do, the gym that is. I do shower. Most days. OK, some days.)…or even better, sex (this one on the other hand…) or whatever, again with the space and the visualizing. I would love to have the time and focus to devote to mediating an hour a day, but right now I don’t. So I make it work in my life, for me…because that’s the only person I have to make it work for. And same goes for you, sailor. Find a way to make it work for you, and you only.)
  4. Breathe. Yes, breathe. Why? Because breathing helps you make space, gets O2 to your brain so it has a fighting chance, and it helps slow you down and relax you. Plus, every self-help, good-for-you, find-your-centre practice there is out there talks about breathing. “Yes Sara, but if they all talked about jumping off a bridge to achieve enlightenment, would you do it too?” Hee-ell no. So really, that’s not the motivating factor for me. But you know what? My mamma, Corlynn Hanney, is an extraordinary voice teacher, and she taught me that the concept of space, support and breath are all wrapped up in one when it comes to singing. And so I figure if I’m looking for space, trying to support conscious allowing, then breathing (the hat-trick) can’t hurt, right? Yeah, I’m going with it.

To be clear, all of these things are fantastic theories. Some days, in my life, they even make good practices. But nowhere, ever, will you hear me say, “Yup, got that one nailed.” Because I so don’t. I do step 3 for a while. And then I forget. Sometimes for months at a time. 1 & 2 come and go, somewhat of their own volition, apparently. 4 is reasonably constant, but that’s only because I now have a super sexy sleep apnea machine (Darth Vadar mask) that keeps me breathing at night. When my body forgets to do it by itself. No, I’m really not kidding. Super duper sexy.

Because even those processes that should intrinsically automatic sometimes…aren’t. We unlearn them. We fuck them up. We throw our own weird -isms and -obias into the pot and then we stop breathing in the middle of the night when shit is just supposed to work by itself. So it’s back to basics. Learn to breathe. Again. Consciously. Feel it in your body. Direct the breath where you want it to be – your toes, your elbow…hell, your lady bits. But all of a sudden you’re back at step 1. Funny how that happens, huh?

Without all of these bits and bobs – and I’m sure other people have loads more to throw into this mix – we are not present enough to allow. We are distracted and focused on other things. We have blockages we don’t even realize are there. We go so unconscious that we might as well be housed inside a mountain for all the cell reception we get from the Universe. Attracting is only half the equation, building the building. Allowing is phase two, moving in. If attracting is buying more stuff, allowing is clearing out your closets and donating to the Salvation Army to make room for all the new lovliness coming your way.

I don’t do so well with the allowing. That’s my mountain to climb. Until I start allowing, no amount of attracting will do me any good. I don’t know if it’s not feeling worthy enough? Why else would we not allow ourselves to open up to the things we want most, the things we feel most passionate about? I’m pretty sure that’s where my roadblock crops up. Not feeling good enough to deserve the things we hunger for, the things we strive after, the things we want nothing more than to attract. If we don’t feel deserving of them, the road stops there. There is no going any further. There’s no attracting, because there is no allowing. We aren’t good enough, we don’t matter enough, we don’t deserve that much bounty and abundance in our lives.

Fuck that shit.

I have lived with that underlying belief for thirty-cough-something-cough years now. But the more years I add to that thirty, the more I realize that I deserve everything I want. Wanting is not a bad thing. My wanting does not cause somebody else lack. Andrea Beaudoin at Align Your Energy tweeted, “By the way,the world doesn’t need fixing. Neither do you. And dreaming for more doesn’t mean you can’t be happy today~Notes from The Universe” And I have done enough work on my core beliefs – another blog post unto itself – that I feel like I’m finally starting to get somewhere with the whole issue of self-worth. Lord knows I’m not the only person to struggle with this albatross, and if it’s taken me this long, this much therapy, this many bad decisions lessons, and this many self-help books, it’s unlikely to be an overnight fix for anyone else either. (But isn’t it better to start working on it now than never?)

So once I untangle the whole bloody equation, I think it looks roughly like this:

Self-worth => Allowing => Attracting => Johnny Depp BLISS (aka anything’s doable)

Got it?


I’m making me sick

My back injury was what it was. The fact that it continues to restrict me and affect everything I do is not OK. I am aware that it is potentially a way that I hide from all the things I don’t like to deal with in life…you know, responsibility, and, um, you know, responsibility. (Bloody hell I’m eloquent at 2 am!)  But it is certainly not a conscious choice for it to continue holding me back from participating in my life to the fullest. However, there is a school of thought (which I guess I kind of do actually subscribe to) that says everything in our lives, good, bad, and ugly, WE have attracted. So on some level, I have attracted this injury and its longevity. I guess I need to work on ceasing to give energy to said injury, and instead, consciously attracting healthier somethings into my life.

But I ain’t there yet. Back injury aside, I swear that I am the harbinger of ridiculous and unidentifiable diseases. For the last two weeks I have been bitch-slapped by something that may or may not be parvovirus. It started with the skin all down the back of my arms and across by back hurting. You know the way your skin hurts when you have the flu? Times that by 25 or so, and that’s where I was at. It lasted about 5 days, and a Saturday night visit to the ER (always entertaining), and a few blood draws confirmed that it was not septicemia. I could have told you it wasn’t septicemia. But my sister is a nurse, and she was concerned that, because I had recently gotten a tattoo, I might be septic. And she was right to be concerned. My symptoms were awfully similar to textbook. But I’ve been septic before, and I know how that manifests in my body. I also know how quickly it (and every other malady) goes from 0 to 60 in my body. The last time I was septic, I went from first feeling a sore throat which I knew was the onset of strep throat (later confirmed to be strep group G), to being in shock in the back of an ambulance in….wait….count ’em…..8 whole hours!!! A week in the hostpital, IV and oral antibiotics and painkillers. Oh, it was such good fun. NOT!

Clearly I get easily off track here. So, I was not septic, but I had skin that made my sheets feel like sandpaper when I tried to lie down to sleep. Right. So. That started to settle down after about 5 days. Then I put some lotion on my legs one morning, about 2 days later, which immediately started to sting moderately. Did I stop? No. Why listen to signals like that? All over my legs. And all over my arms. Arms did not sting, just the legs. Within an hour, rash all over my legs (but not my arms!?!) that was clearly blood vessels under the skin having broken. Fabulous. Then there was a weird spot that showed up in my lady bits. We won’t talk about it in detail. But suffice it to say it was weird enough that I went BACK to the ER. And when the doctor has you up in the stirrups, the last thing you want to hear is, “Wow! I’ve never seen anything like that before!” Great. I’m not looking to be a guinea pig for medical science, ladies and gentlemen. Just want to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY HOO-HOO!

Then the kicker. Hands and feet started to swell up. Then wrists and ankles. Then elbows and knees. Thankfully it stopped there.  Didn’t really hit my shoulders or hips. But the swelling got so bad I could barely walk, I couldn’t make a fist, nor could I completely extend and straighten my fingers. Doctors visits. Blood tests – I’m sure they could have fed a vampire village with all the blood they took out of my body. Biopsies. Doctors saying things like, “Well, I doubt that it’s cancer, so I don’t think you should worry about that” while in the stirrups…terrific! The thought of cancer hadn’t crossed my mind yet, but now that you mention it, it will be SO easy not to obsess!

(A dear friend of mine subsequently told me, “You probably shouldn’t worry about it being from massive head trauma, phantom limb syndrome, Ebola, Marfan syndrome, cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, Alzheimers, dwarfism, gigantism, or otherisms for that matter. Just so you don’t focus on it not being from cancer. If you need any other suggestions as to what it’s probably not, let me know.” God bless her!)

After 6 days, the swelling is finally starting to go down somewhat. Most of the blood work came back…inconclusive, really. Indicative of a virus. But in the mean time some other tantalizing tidbits came up. A liver that is not quite cirrhotic. What. The. Hell? I’m not a heavy drinker, nor have I ever been for longer than a couple of months at a time, and those short spurts have only happened 2 or 3 times in my life when I was not dealing well with, well, life. So drinking really doesn’t account for it. Shitty food very well might – and THAT came as a huge shock to me.

So the consequences of my unhealthy relationship with food may be far more terrifying than wearing a size 20. I may have damaged my liver. And as far as I understand it, liver tissues don’t really regenerate with time the same way that some other organs do. For instance, I was a smoker for many years. I know that, having quit, my body will actually start to reverse some of the damage I’ve done to my lungs over the years. It’s a slow process, but it’s headed in the right direction. However, my understanding is that liver tissues do not regenerate the same way lung tissues do. I could be wrong. I hope I’m wrong. But it’s pretty scary to contemplate that I may have done irreversable damage to one of my vital organs because I didn’t value myself highly enough to take care of me in a healthier way than by eating.

I hope that I am at least staunching the flow. If I have done irreversable damage to myself, then it is what it is, and I can’t change the past. What I can do is take better care of myself in the future. Staunch the flow. Do no further damage. Take care of myself. Value myself highly enough to make better choices. Love myself. Treat myself, pamper myself, love myself in ways that do not involve putting something in my mouth. And the things that I do put in my mouth need to be low on the processing scale, high on the natural scale. More salads, chicken and fish. Fewer Oreos, chocolate, and candy.

I am worth taking the time to prepare something that is rewarding to eat, instead of reaching for whatever is already packaged in the cupboard. I am worth cleaning up after making myself something nutritious and delicious instead of grabbing something with just a wrapper I can throw away, no muss, no fuss. I am worth taking the time, the effort, and the planning. I am worth it.

I am worth it.

That’s what my health depends on, and I am worth it.

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