Thank you Ash. Just…thank you.

Dear Ash –

I’m really glad you sent the email version of your blog post to me (and probably a few others) twice today. Funny, because it was probably in error – slightly ironic given the subject matter, don’t you think? But the fact of the matter is, I didn’t read it the first time around.
I’m having a really hard time these days for a lot of reasons beyond my control (yeah, I create my own fucking reality and all that…and yet i’m sicker than shit and have been for months and keep getting worse and ending up in hospital…pretty sure I’m not doing it on purpose…and yes I know that I could still be creating it because it serves me in some way and all that shit. I’m really very enlightened. Fuck.)
But I digress. Point being, I’m in huge avoidance mode. I avoid answering the phone. I avoid opening any emails that are anything less than emergent. Sometimes I avoid making dinner and settle for chocolate and ice cream. I avoid doing pretty much anything that doesn’t relate directly to making sure my children are fed and well, and keeping my symptoms as low-key as possible. Sometimes I even avoid those things. Pretty sad-ass, if I do say so myself.
And so when your first email arrived, I did not open it, just like I have not opened any of yours for the last couple of months (sorry, just being honest.) I also have not opened any of Danielle LaPorte‘s, Satya Colombo‘s, Karol Gajda‘s, Chris Guillebeau‘s, or any of the other people I find inspiring. I just figure I’ll get around to them when I get around to them, or I’ll pick up from a new starting point when I’m ready.
But yours arrived twice.
And I recently watched Oprah talk about life whispering to you, each time a little louder, until it’s screaming and knocking you over the head. So how about learning to listen to the whispers? I decided that receiving your email twice was a whisper.
And your post was exactly what I needed to hear. Don’t think I even need to explain that further, do I?
Sometimes we need to just give ourselves permission to be where we are. Thanks for giving me the permission to give myself permission. (Um, yeah, I know that’s ridiculous.) I’m putting your post up on my fridge.

3 Responses to “Thank you Ash. Just…thank you.”

  1. November 7, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    I’m so glad you wrote, Sara. I know I haven’t been sick, let alone sick and having to manage a family, but please know that you’re not alone. During points in my life, I can relate to everything that you said below — basically just doing the bare necessities, and only when you really have to. Because sometimes everything feels so hard. And you just don’t have the energy–mentally, more than anything. And it sucks, because you can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this. And it’s downright depressing.

    I wrote that post because not only have I been there, but I’ve heard the same from a few others lately, to varying degrees. And, you know what? It IS alright. You’ve got to take care of you first. Everyone else can fly a kite.

    If I can help in any way, please reach out.

    Or…feel free to ignore this email. 🙂 No pressure to respond!

    Just keep on, keeping on.

    And know that I’m grateful you wrote.



  2. November 7, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    I am so sorry you’re sick. I’d be in avoidance mode if I felt lousy, in fact when I do feel lousy that’s exactly what I do. Isolate and more.

    Perhaps life is whispering to you, to us again. The title of the post grabbed me and the interview I just did with Maggie Bauer for the Confidence Chronicles might also be something for you to read or, well, listen to. Maggie’s story is abt. her debilitating disease, her misdiagnoses, her being told and feeling crazy – although she wasn’t. The story continues with coming out the other side. Here’s the link if you want it: http://borderlessthinking.com

    This just all feels serendipitous to me. Gentle hugs to you, Cherry

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